Feeling the pressure…

I’ve been told all my life to follow my dreams, to reach for the stars, to be what I want. I’ve heard this from my friends, my teachers, my parents, even society claims to preach this. But of course, most things have a deeper meaning, ulterior motives lurking beneath the surface.

Apparently it was acceptable for me to want to become a vet when I was five, and it my desire to become a crayon when I was to was perfect-just-perfect. So why is it that now that I’m grown up and I’ve finally found something I’m serious about that suddenly all these doubts resurface. 

According to my parents, “Do anything you want!” really means, “Do anything you want as long as it brings in good income and you don’t have to depend on us after graduating. Such acceptable things include: becoming a lawyer, account, a mixture of both, a doctor, marrying somebody rich. Oh, and by the way, just to let you know, English and History do not fall into these categories.” I’m not sure when I first realized this hidden meaning, but it’s feels as if I’m just now really letting it sink in. 

I’m sure my parents have good reason and I know that they just want the best of me and having a good income job is obviously important, but I’ll be damned if I choose to marry someone because of their money and nothing else.

Truthfully, I have no idea what I want to do ten years from now, five years from now, or even a hour from now. All I want is to know that someone will support my decisions and choices because they make me happy, someone that will encourage me through it. 

It’s always hard when your parents don’t agree with what you want. You want to make them happy so bad, but what happened to all those, Be Whatever You Want’s, and Follow Your Dreams? Do they now apply now that I’m older? I want to make my parents happy, I really, really do. But is it so selfish of me to put my happiness first?

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