A Fitting Intro: My Biggest Fear

Fear: something you are afraid of.

Admittedly, I’m afraid of many things. Spiders, for example, never cease to frighten me (all insects, for that matter).  Disappointing my family, dying old and alone, getting bad grades, being a bad friend, death itself. But my biggest fear is one that I know is the inevitable, unavoidable, and unchangeable: growing up.

I dearly wish I could stay my age forever. Lots of teens my age can’t wait to grow up and taste the real world, but no, not me. I did at one point–last year even. But the grown up world is scary. We can’t find excuses for doing stupid things anymore, we have to own up to them. We can’t (as superficial and vain as it sounds) wear short shorts and crop tops anymore. Is it really acceptable for a grown-up to blast The Fray or The Script on their laptop singing at the top of their lungs? Certainly not common.

That’s the scary thing: all the responsibilities that come with growing old. I can’t even imagine being in my mother’s position when I don’t even know if I want kids, what I’m going to do, what career I’m going to pursue. I don’t even know what I’m going to do an hour from now.

When you’re young, the world seems so innocent. You’re not the one working, paying off the bills, taking care of children. You’re the one whose just beginning to find your footing, taking your first steps ever so slowly, treading new waters. It’s a time of self discovery.

So maybe I’m not afraid of growing up, maybe I’m just afraid I’ll discover how ugly the world truly is.


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